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Hi, my name is Tonia and I am 26. I struggle with addiction, Meth being my drug of choice. I was raised in a loving home with good morals. My Mom was in the Air Force and my Dad a diesel mechanic. They divorced when I was about 10, but for the sake of the business they owned together they lived together in separate rooms for 3 years. This was one of the many excuses I would use later for my addictive behavior. My drug use started when I was about 12, experimenting with over the counter caffeine pills like No-Doze. I was introduced to marijuana when I was 14 by my sister’s boyfriend. I met a guy when I was 15 and was married by 17. Luckily we never had any children.
Throughout the years I experimented with just about every drug I could get my hands on. LSD, ecstasy, cocaine, “special K”, and alcohol. I used to get so mad when people would say that pot was a gateway drug. I would say, "I'll be 80 years old smoking a joint in my rocking chair on my front porch". I also used to say, "I'll never do Meth, that's for trailer trash". Little did I know that once I met Meth when I was 20 I would be hooked.
The first time I tried it I stayed up for the weekend and noticed that I was shedding some weight. Now, since I have always had an issue with my weight this was the "Meth"od of weight loss that I was looking for. It was all down hill from there. It became all I lived for. Day and night I was looking to get high. Suddenly all the other drugs I used didn't matter, all I wanted was speed. If I wasn't smoking Meth I was asleep.
I would stay up so long that I would crash for days. My husband was what I call a "normie", he could stay up a few days and when it was gone and the money was gone he could forget about it and go to sleep. Not me! If it was gone I wanted more. I would sometimes stay up for a day just looking for more, struggling, but not able to sleep, that's how bad the desire was to do more.
My husband eventually left me because of my using and told my Dad everything. My Mom begged me to move to GA with her and get clean, so figuring that was the best way to mend my marriage, I did. After about 2 months my husband and I reconciled and he moved to GA too. We figured we could start over fresh without all the old friends and influences. We did well for about a year, still smoking pot though. One night our next door neighbor, whom we had never associated with until that night, invited us over to his house for a keg party. Well, they where doing Meth too, and we relapsed. Then came the quick downward spiral. We no longer could pay our bills and my husband decided to move back to TN. I had already vowed never to move back there so I stayed here and moved in with my Mom. I quickly lost her trust and she told me I could not stay there anymore. So I moved back to TN. I was homeless, strung out and broke (in more ways than one).
In TN I met a guy who was manufacturing, and he would front me stuff and leave me room to make myself some money. My Dad owned some property and he let me move into a trailer. The guy asked me if he could use my house to "pull off" some and he would hook me up. I did let him and then I ended up cooking dope in a trailer, and I became the “trailer trash” I said I never would. So, I agreed and took him to get all the supplies and let him have the run of the house to do what he needed.
Well, this lasted for a year. Then one time turned into many times. At first I was "smurfing" for him. That meant I was going to get all he needed and then when he was done I would go get rid of the finished product. I was immediately sucked into this lifestyle even further. I had an endless supply of dope and money. I was set, so I thought. Eventually we got others to "smurf" for us, trading the supplies for dope. People came and went, some we never saw again. After a while I was helping him through the process. Eventually I learned every aspect of "cooking". The whole time I was miserable. It got to where what we where producing wasn't enough. In July 04 I was out "smurfing" and had went to 3 different stores on one side of town and stole 16 boxes of cold pills. I took those back to the house and then went to the other side of town. I stopped at one drug store and collected 6 boxes and then went to Wal-Mart and got caught stealing 3 boxes of Actifed. The insanity of it was that to pull of the size batch we cooked only took 16 grams of pseudo (about 8 boxes of 48 count 60 milligram). So it was insane for me to have been collecting this amount. I had gotten plenty on the first trip. But, Meth made me greedy.
The whole time God was tugging at my heart, telling me there was a better life for me. I was avoiding my family, the ones I loved the most, and hated the people I was hanging out with for the way they treated their kids. I hated the person I had become. I was a junkie, but God had a different plan. On January 1, 2005 I left TN and moved back to GA. I went to an in-treatment facility called Bridges Of Hope for 28 days. Upon returning home I started attending church and a program called Celebrate Recovery.
God has blessed me in the last 14 months. I have completed school to be a licensed Nail Tech and have a wonderful job. I am a contributing part of the community now. And I desire to help others who are struggling in the same way I did. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. I no longer have the desire to go get high, but anything will trigger a thought at a certain time when I was using. I have only recently learned how to take every thought captive in Christ. Because a thought, when dwelt on, leads to an action. I would like to encourage all of you who are struggling to turn to God. He is all powerful. He picked me up from the depths of hell and delivered me from this addiction. He is the way, the truth and the life. I also want to thank law enforcement for all the efforts they have put into this Meth epidemic. They put their life, health, and safety of their families on the line to direct and protect the community and addicts like me. Please, if anyone who reads this would like to talk to me feel free to e-mail me CleanAndSerene13@hotmail.com.
In Christ, Tonia