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I want to thank you first for all your hard efforts in this never ending battle. I've never seen anyone devote so much effort into pushing back the ocean as you concerning Meth.
I was interested in learning that your sister has battled Meth and I am so grateful that she has found her way out of that maze. It is a shame that something so devastating is so easily came by so close to our hearts. I want to share something with you but it will be very hard to actually express this in words as it is a feeling and an internal battle that I fight daily. I wish I could have stayed and heard all of the testimonials today but just watching your slide show again made so much come back to me that I had to leave there and go to a 12 step meeting without a moment to waste.
Meth affects all of us to different levels and I understand that. I heard a few people talk of God in your presentation today, and I am very grateful that today I have God in my life as well, however, when I got arrested, to me, there was no God except Meth. It was my savior, my friend, my husband, my employer & my life. It was everything I needed and everything I wanted. I stole tens of thousands of dollars before I started making just to assure myself I had it. Then once I started making, I put my children in the same house with all those chemicals and gases. I allowed my precious babies to breathe the very thing that I watched one of my friends choke to death on his on blood for breathing. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED! I did not want out! I loved Meth and did not see, as you know, all the hell I was causing around me.
The problem is that only a few people are allowed to get away scott free. There is no way I would have ever stopped using meth if I had not been brought down. I almost burned my children’s life to the ground literally. And I know 5 people personally that have had to loose their life to this drug. The sad thing is that I understand that, I would have given mine for it.
I hate that. It brings me to tears as I type. When I was put in jail, I can’t say that I felt God come into my life and help me to see the error of my ways and give me the strength to fight this thing. I lay there in jail on the cold floor in only the jump suit provided to me. And I was on my period (sorry) except see I wasn't allowed to keep any of my undergarments, they were not white. So I lay there, no protection from Mother Nature, and slept for 3 days like that.
I woke up in am mess as you can imagine. Came to realize just what had happened and took about 3 baths then started on my mission to get out and to get back to doing what knew best, Meth! I was fortunate; Judge Johnson & God had a different plan for me so I was unable to carry through with mine. My point being that still today after all I have learned, all the times I have spoken, all the pain I have felt, all the damage I have caused and all the time I have missed with my kids, I still have this Meth junkie in me that is just waiting for the opportunity to get out.
I wish there was someway to photo this feeling and put it up on your screen. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and I don't know that I will ever win completely. But today I haven’t used and I will pray for tomorrow. I just had to share these feelings that your seminar pulled out of me, I hope you don't mind. If anyone should get to hear it, it should be you because of all the hard work and honest effort you are putting toward this. I will read your book and once you get it published I want to make sure I get a copy of it. Just a note, my daughter has had a few more issues, so now I know both sides of the road, the user and parent of one. I guess I have used up enough of your time. Thank you again for your hard work and my offer to help in any way possible still stands.