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My name is Ashley and I'm 18 years old! Growing up I was a pretty good kid! When I was in 9th grade, a freshman @ a Douglasville high school I played varsity softball and made decent grades! I hung out with the right people, had good friends and didn't do anything I wasn't suppose to! I was scared to do anything wrong because I didn't want to get in trouble!
Shortly after that, I started hanging out with the wrong people! I started skipping school and drinking! I smoked pot once but didn't like it and haven't done it since! I lost all those good friends I had and the only people that would talk to me since I’ve started drinking a lot were the people I was drinking and skipping school with! I starting dating one of these bad people and I then, started sneaking out of my house @ night on the weekends to go to parties and to get drunk! After about a month of that I started drinking at least 4 times a week. ((weekdays too)) that’s when I stopped being scared to get in trouble and getting in a lot of trouble!
I was 16 at the time and one day in February of 2004; I decided I was going to run away! It wasn't because I had it bad or I got in a fight with my parents or anything like that, it was just that I wanted to do what I wanted and I couldn't do that @ home so I left to go do whatever, whenever I wanted! I ended up staying with some guy out in Mableton! I was only gone for a week and I was drunk every night that week! The first time I ever tried meth was that week but I was really drunk when I tried it so it didn't do anything to me so I didn't like it! Well I ended up getting caught and I got arrested and spent the weekend in jail ((ydc)) and then went home!
Even though I had just went through all that, I got out of jail and kept doing
the same things!! I was at my probation officer's office at least once a week every week! I
ended up skipping a week of school which was the week before spring break! I went to Florida
for spring break and got pretty drunk down there a few nights! The day we came back to school
I didn't go that day and my parents and probation officer found out about all the days I missed
and I got sent to jail again for being unruly! I was there for 2 and a half weeks!
At the end of the summer, April of 2004, me, and some friends snuck out and went to the pool in a local neighborhood and got drunk! The police came and we all got arrested! When they called my mom, she told the police that it wasn't me because I was sleeping in my bed! She didn't believe them because she thought I was doing so good! I got to go home that night and I wasn't allowed to hang out with those people anymore!
Two weeks after that I started night school! ((It was my 11th grade year)) my first day at night school I meet this guy and I thought he was just the cutest thing ever! Well we starting hang out and he did a lot of dope ((meth)) and so I started doing it with him! Me and him hung out everyday before and after school and every time we hung out, we did dope so I was doing it a lot when I first starting doing it! My parents didn't notice it at all!! I ran around my house tweaked out everyday and they didn't think anything of it! I still hadn't went to court about the whole drinking thing yet and I new I was going back to jail and I had it in my head that I was going to run but I wasn't going to do it until a day or 2 before court!
2 weeks into school, I got real drunk one Friday night and forgot to go home! When my mom realized I hadn't been home, I called my friend and he came to pick me up! I passed out in his bed and my dad some how found out where I was and he came and got me! They new I was drunk and I got yelled at pretty bad that night ((enough to sober me up)) so right after my parents went to bed that night, I got my friend to come pick me back up! I stayed gone that whole rest of the weekend! I actually got arrested again and I went to the sheriff station and my parents got to come pick me up and that when I went home!
I was grounded that week but I didn't care because I was still doing dope with my friend after school and he'd front me some every night and I’d go home and sit in my room and do it. So being grounded didn't bother me anymore!
I was actually working at the mall at this time and that Friday I went to work
and didn't come home for 3 and a half months after that! That's when I decided I was going to
run! I stayed with some people in Fayetteville for about a week and half! No one there did meth
and it started pissing me off because I couldn't get any so I came back to Douglasville and
went straight to my friend's house because I new the minute I got there, I’d get geeked
I met my friend’s best friend over at this house! I hated him at first, I thought he was the lamest person and all I did was make fun of him! Well the second night I went over there I hung out with him a little bit and started to like him a little bit! So we talked on the phone and stuff after that night!
I got drunk one night and told my friend that I hope he got hit by a bus and died!! I didn't mean that, it was alcohol talking but he didn't care and after that we were no longer friends or anything anymore!! So then I started going to hang out with this other guy that I had met and doing dope with him instead! This guy ended up asking me if I’d stay with him so I went back to the apartments, packed up my stuff and moved in with him at a weekly hotel.
We stayed there for 3 and a half months! This guy was a pretty big dope dealer
so it was scary living there but it was also what I thought was heaven! All I did for 3 months
straight was smoke dope, clean and go grocery shopping for some people that weren't even ever
hungry! I loved it at the time!! Doing dope was almost the only thing I had to do there! It
was like, never ending dope and never ending money! We spent 1,000 dollars a day on meth! I
was so bad on it when I was living there, that I would stay up for weeks at a time with out
sleeping or eating! I was in a really bad situation but I thought it was great and that's what
I wanted to do for the rest of my life I thought! I was going with people to get meth for this
guy and I was going to this guy to sell it, I was dealing it all over Georgia and I thought
it was just wonderful!! But it wasn't, it was killing me!
This new guy was on the run too but for a different reason and it was so bad and serious, what we were doing that we had other people's name in our cell phone, our room and everything! We had to be so careful about everything we did and everyone we spoke to! That part sucked! After a while, people starting calling me instead of this guy and so there at the end, me and this guy were partners selling to people! It wasn't just him anymore! I was doing it to! I took showers everyday but I didn't take care of myself and I thought I was beautiful when really I literally looked like I was dying! I mean, if you don't eat or sleep for weeks, your not going to look good!
On November 17, 2004 at 10 am the police came busting in our door at the weekly hotel I was in and me and my friend were arrested! We were actually sleeping when they got there so we had stuff laying everywhere! There were meth pipes on the floor and table, blow torches, scales, baggies, we had 4 ounces in a box and just everything you could think of that a dope head would have for there meth!
I was so messed up from doing meth that they sent this lady to come talk to me but she couldn't and actually yelled at me because I couldn't finish a sentence. Nothing that came out of my mouth made sense and I just mumbled or stopped in mid sentence thinking I finished it but really I didn't! It was horrible! When they weighed me, I was 70 pounds which is 35 pounds less then I am now! When I failed my drug test, my probation officer told that I had more meth in my system then he's ever seen in his life!! To fail a drug test, you have to have 300ml in your system; I had 35,000ml of meth in my body! They said I was very lucky that I’m alive, which scares me real bad because if I would have kept doing dope like I was; I would be dead right now! I don't want to be dead! The police told me I looked like a "dope whore" because I was so strung out! That don't feel good at all the hear someone tell you that you look that bad! It sucks! But that's what meth will do to you!
Well, I went to jail ((ydc)) for 30 days and then in December of 2004 I went to Nelson Price Treatment Center for 9 months inpatient! That wasn't fun at all! I hated that place! When I first got there, I was a crazy person and all I did was get in trouble! I didn't want to be clean and I let everyone know that! Usually people get to go home on weekends after 3 months of being there, I didn't go home for 6 months! I even graduated 2 months after I was supposed to! I did not do very good the first 5 months I was there!
When I got out and came home ((September 9, 2005)) I still didn't want to be clean! Rehab won't help unless the people actually want to be clean because drug addicts will do what they want regardless! I stayed clean for about a month and then got back on meth! My plan was to do it for about a week and then not do it again for about 2 or 3 weeks, that way I wouldn't get shoot out again! It worked for a while, I’d stop 3 days before a drug test and when I got to skinny and weird looking, I’d stop but after a while that didn’t work anymore and I just keep going!
I actually almost got shot this last time around! I snuck out with my older brother and I hooked them up with some people I new ((actually it was that same guy from before and some other pretty serious people)) and my brother had said he was going to get a half ounce so I was thinking he had the money! So we went to meet them and my brother and this other guy ends up robbing the dealer of a half ounce! I had no idea what was going on and I didn't know they were going to do that! We left and I was freaking out pretty bad because I didn't know what was going on! Well, I went back home and I did not talk to my brother for about 2 weeks and I don't know where he is since then.
They came for me because they know me real well and I’m the one that hooked that whole thing up! I had people posted up in front of my house, people calling and threatening me and I was really scared! It all stopped for about a week! Well, since being out of rehab, I was still running around to dope dealers in hotels and still not paying for it but I wasn't sleeping with people for it or anything! I just hung out with people and did their dope! It was pretty easy! I was at weekly hotel when I saw the guy we robbed there! It scared me at first because he was one of the people threatening me but he was being nice and I guess didn't care anymore! But a girl that was with him that night was there that day to and when she saw that I was there, she got mad and put a gun to my head and ask me again what happened! I told her and then she told me that she wasn't going to shoot me and she knows I didn't know that my brother was going to do that but she was just trying to scare me and she did! I thought I was going to die! People were telling me, I was starting to be mean again and I starting getting right back like I was when I was with the last guy, I didn't care about anything or anyone, I almost lost the boyfriend I am with now and have been with for 6 months, I’ve been having to hide it from him because he hates meth, but I stopping caring enough to hide it, I almost lost the relationship I have with my family again and I almost lost everything again!
The rehab I was in called me and asked me if I’d come talk to the kids there and I did! But I went up there tweaked out of my mind, telling them about not doing drugs! It was a horrible day! But that’s the day I starting noticing what I was doing and it was like a light when on in my head and I didn't want to be doing the things I was! I was back down to about 85 pounds and I was losing everything once again! All for meth! I knew I needed some kind of help but I was scared to go to someone and say "I’m doing meth again" so I didn't know what to do but I did know that I wanted to stop for good this time! So I new I had a drug test coming up so I didn't clean out my system or anything! I failed it and I just let it happened! A couple days before I had the drug test, I had already called an out-patient rehab and talked to them and had some stuff set up for me to go there! Because I new I wanted and needed rehab again! So I failed the drug test and now I’m in tanner Monday to Friday! 9am-2pm!! I’m glad I’m there and I’m not glad that I’ve been through all the stuff I have! Meth is nothing good! It seems like it when you’re on it but when your whole life starts falling apart, that doesn't feel good at all, it sucks! Meth has messed up my life a lot of times and you can't win when your doing it. Being clean sucks sometimes and you’re going to miss it but I feel a lot better and life is 100 times better!